This Year I Resolve Not To Resolve

Each year, as has been my habit, I find a meditative space,to reflect on the past year and strive to make greater Kingdom impact in the next 12 months. However, this year, I just couldn't do it!

I had to ask myself was I slothful, greedy, lustful, mean-spirited, covetous, or in anyway a generalized slob in need of a time of regret and mustering within myself the ability to change these morose behaviors. TRUTH! I am 100%-full blown-human-being.
And I know there are many Christians who say that I am living "under the victory" Because my daily struggle does not reflect the truth of my heart. Frankly, to hell with them. (Not really, I don't want anyone to go to hell.) But the truth is, I can't live up to OTHERS expectations of how person going through a life-debilitating chronic illness should act.

It's very hard for me in the past 5 years to listen to very well meaning friends (Like Job's) who insist I have sin in my life, disobedience in my heart, or not enough faith in my soul. But I've learned to turn a blind eye/ear... "Because I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded, that HE is able To keep that which I've committed unto Him against that day."

ong story to this. Here is my official journal entry for 2012:


January 21, 2012

Well here I am, 12 whole days into the new year and I have done 0 reflections, and created 0 resolutions.


What If...Just what if, I decide to live life this year based on what comes my way. Of course, I could pray more , eat less, exercise more, give more, be more authentic ...etc. But I am going to live 2012 drowning in the grace I'm given. I will hold onto JESUS with tenacious faith. Why? His grace is sufficient. Even if I don't fulfill lists of resolutions or organize plans of self-improvement, or bare my soul in life groups. I intend to bask in God's grace. Does this mean that to sin I can cause God's grace to abound more! Certainly not!!! But I will not go on "sin safari" unearthing every possible sin.

My 2012 philosophy is to cling to Jesus and the rocks He uncovers means he is right near me in my journey. HE IS HERE!

• I am going to relish that my weaknesses reveal Gods strength. I am going to bank on the abundant life which is unattainable in my human strength. 
• I will live at peace, relaxed and soaking in what Christ Jesus has already accomplished . 
• I will live in peace though surrounded by chaos, simply because that ease is mine through Christ. 
• I will pray for everything and give thanks for God's answers even if they don't meet my own desired outcome. After all, my prayers are releases of my human experiences thrust upon God and His omniscience knows exactly what to do with them. He doesn't really need my help in steering the keel of my ship-of-life. 

Here's to 2012!

In short, 2012, is the year I let go of influencing outcomes from my own knowledge and skills. Instead 2012 will be me hiding behind HE and accepting His challenges, meekly removing myself so He becomes greater. I give my anxieties into HIS hands.

I've no resolutions "to Lose", i.e. lose bad habits, lose weight, lose base attitudes, lose patience... THIS YEAR I Will gain: gain love, gain respect, gain Christ's reflection in my life, gain wisdom.. Those after all are the heaviest, most substantiated things.


Anyone want to GAIN with me?