Father's Day June 2011

Proverbs 4 - Father's Instruction

Prov 4:1 (niv) Listen, my sons, to a father’s instruction;
pay attention and gain understanding.

This chapter in Proverbs has grabbed my heart. Because of a non-terminal (Praises) disease I am disabled from working and many other important things in my life. This is a big deal for me, probably a bigger deal than it should be! (I am human, therefore the need to fuel ego.) Though I try to tell my self that I am "humble", I have somehow distorted that into a false definition; i.e. "The more I can achieve, the better I am."


In the past 7 years my disease has continually taken from me everything what I have defined as "success". Now I can no longer work in a career I spent 20 years building. Because I never know when my attacks will occur, I can also no longer: sing in the church praise team, serve in my usual community outreach capacity, mother in a way I am proud of, be a spouse that builds up my husband, volunteer as a big sister, volunteer as a reading/math tutor...be a sister, daughter, friend in the capacity of which I once was able.

My disease not only affects my physical self but also my cognitive self. My intelligence (does that sound egotistic) is hindered because of focus and memory. I am no longer the person I thought I was because of the following labels that I attached to self...with confidence:
* Intelligent
* Ability to educate
* Able to encourage
* Handle highly complex technology issues
* Joy of life reflected in sometime frenetic, but always, interesting activities
* Mentoring
* Public speaking and teaching
* Creative problem solving

The above was likely narcissistic, though not meant to be...now to the Proverbs verse...

My father has a horrific back injury experienced in the mid 70's. He has been living in pain since the date of that terrible accident. He has endured 10+ major surgeries and faced death in the face multiple times. YET, he continues to hold tenaciously to his faith. He continues to give me wisdom that transcends my physical existence...simply because he has learned that the greatest riches in this life are inward...spiritual...and highly personal between you and God.

My father is a man who almost flunked out of high school, yet as I type this he holds twow doctorate degrees, a masters degrees and I don't know how many bachelor degrees. Yet as the most educated man I know in person, he has never, EVER utilized this tremendous experience and education into personal gain. He has always pastor-ed churches that were in crisis. He came in got the church on track and then felt God saying, here's your next assignment.

Regardless of the pain of my current illness, I have never reached the pain he has endured. And I am not talking about physical pain... I remember church board meetings where my precious mamma would come home in tears because the thermostat in the parsonage was set too high costing the church money, for example. This happened many times as a kid.  I had a love hate relationship with many church leaders.

Wow, there are many wounds here I should explore with a therapist. However, back to Proverbs...

Prov 4:1 (niv) Listen, my sons, to a father’s instruction;
pay attention and gain understanding.

My father's instructions, though complex given his higher education, could be very wordy. Yet his instructions to me at 45 are the same as when I was 5. He would say simply "trust God". His perseverance given his own horrible injuries and disabilities have not outwardly affected his faith.

He has recently shared with me more deeply his struggles. What a treasure it is! My favorite memory of my dad's instructions are not as me as a 5 yr-old being told about Jesus, rather it was me at 45 sitting at a kitchen table where my daddy walked me through the familiar Psalms 23 and I saw: his heart, his faith, God's challenge, my daddy's love, my God's love for me and even areas in my heart I needed to let go.

This is late for a Father's day post, but any day to me is "Father's Day". He is a man who has shaped my life in more positive ways than any other man on the planet. I love my daddy; and if God the Father is even 1 tenth of my daddy then there is nothing to fear...For our God is with us and he gives us HIS strength.

I love you Samuel James Blakely! You are more precious to me than any earthly treasure. You have taught me more about really living and really loving than any other man on the planet. I promise daddy that I will listen and I will gain understanding from the life you have paved before me!

One more time...

I love you Samuel James Blakely...

Prov 4:1 (niv) Listen, my sons, to a father’s instruction;
pay attention and gain understanding.
Daddy's Girl,
Nita