I Balanced It ALL

“I balanced all, brought all to mind, the years to come seemed waste of breath, a waste of breath the years behind, in balance with this life, this death.” – William Butler Yeats

This quote is so depressing. Yeats was looking at all of his life trying to weigh it in the balance, every year of the past to every year of the future and he saw no balance was achieved and his life seemed such a waste.

Perhaps pondering whether the years of a whole life are in balance is a preposterous thing to do but don’t we often wonder whether or not our whole life is in balance. 

Balancing it all is impossible. 

Balancing it all is impossible. I said it again just in case you missed it. Even if you are trying to balance only all the activities in a day, this cannot be done to a soul’s satisfaction only to a soul’s empty want. That is what caused Yeat’s consternation. The sum of days, turned to the sum of years and all that was done before and left to be done could not be balanced. This is because balance isn’t about external happenings or activities, Too many times we confuse balance with a balancing act, like juggling. 

Balance is a state of being.

Balance is symmetry, poise, and equity.

Balance is the epicenter of opposing forces. 

Balance is not an act. 

Balance is an art. And living a life in balance is an art form to which I am just a novice.

Perfect Balance

The Perfect Balance

I wrote the following prayer while in the hospital on July 25, 2012. The group leader’s lecture was on Yin Yang and how most people mistakenly believe that the darkness represents bad attributes, but there are no moral good or bad associated to the philosophy. He taught that there is balance in the tension. This meant to me that without darkness, light cannot shine. As my thoughts allowed the love of God to drip into my soul, I owned this philosophy within the paradigm of my own faith, and this prayer sprang forth.

Where there is darkness – Lord shed your light.

Where the light is too bright – Lord give me the shade of your peace.
Where I am hard and stubborn- Lord soften my stony heart. 

Where I am too soft, yielding too easy – Lord, make me courageous through your strength.
Where my world becomes so big it spins out of control – Lord let me find comfort in your ways.

Where my life feels so small, I am confined and trapped in my own existence -Lord, remind me that you are

INFINITE

and within that EXPANSE

I find PURPOSE.

Healthy Thinking

Healthy Thinking

Ever since Norman Vincent Peale wrote The Power Of P

ositive Thinking most of society began to understand more about the power of our thoughts to affect not just our emotional state and health but also our success, realization of goals and who knows, maybe even world peace. Thanks to Mr. Peale, other authors and science we know for certain that HOW we think really does matter. After all our emotions, health, success, goals…and world peace are important things. For myself “positive thinking” sounds so cliche and so 1990’s. Instead I’ve been working on “Healthy Thinking”.

The difference is that trying to think positively or find a morsel of the positive to think about when the law of nature is that life is going to beat you up, a lot, is unrealistic. It is normal and healthy to have negative thoughts, to feel sad, angry, frustrated and helpless when the circumstances are there to cause those feelings and thoughts. However, you can develop some habits of Healthy Thinking that gives you some balance in your life. Healthy Thinking means that you can look at the whole situation –positive, negative, neutral — and come to a conclusion that makes sense rather than cause greater anxiety. It allows you to look at your life in a balanced way.

To develop Healthy Thinking is a three pronged approach. First, address your self-image. Second, develop a greater sense of gratitude. Third, decrease anxiety by recognizing “thinking traps” and tools to deal with them.

This little blog post could turn into a book so I’ll just let you know the habits I incorporate for myself and perhaps give you some things to ponder for yourself.

Self Image

What are 3 things that you love about yourself? If you can think of more than 3 then awesome! If you think of more than 10, Self Image probably isn’t an issue for you. If you are having a hard time thinking of 3 make it simple, perhaps the color of your hair or your smile. Those 3 things are your affirmations. Every morning, look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself 3 times I love you because _________. and fill in the blank with an affirmation.

The next thing is to start to recognize if you treat yourself as well as you treat other people. How many offenses have others done that you think nothing of but you will mentally beat yourself up over the very same thing? How harshly do you judge yourself versus how you judge others? When you find yourself in self-flagellation mode because you forgot to send that Thank You note ask yourself if your friend or relative forgot to send you one, would you forgive them. Then for heaven sake, forgive yourself.

Gratitude

I used to just think having an “attitude of gratitude” was making sure when I prayed and journal-ed I listed the things I was thankful for. Then I started to realize that it really had to do more with balance (as usual in my life). If there were a scale and on one side were all the things I were grateful for and on the other side were all the things I were frustrated with, complained about, etc. which side of the scale would tip heavier. That’s when I realized that I needed to balance that scale. So I’ve been working on that. Otherwise, my thoughts are not on gratitude, my thoughts are on the things on the other side of that scale. That’s not Healthy Thinking at all.

Anxiety

One of the largest causes of anxiety are what therapists call thinking traps. My 2 biggest thinking traps are: 1. LABELING – Thinking or saying negative things about myself that I would not say or think about others. The habit of daily affirmations really help with this one. So does not isolating myself. Being around my friends and family. They affirm me just with a smile and hug sometimes. 2. SHOULD STATEMENT – Telling yourself how you should or must act. I should be able to xxxxxxx. It’s an expectation that I put on myself, usually unrealistic but also, just as insidious, untimely. So when I’m thinking this way, I ask myself why should I be doing that? I’m still working on this one too.

A chronic illness can zap you from every angle and striving after Healthy Thinking is one of the best medicines in my medicine cabinet. The Bible says we can take our thoughts captive. It also says that through Christ we have the power to renew our minds. That is powerful, healing, and can bring world peace.

One Frustrated Nut

originally posted in 2007

I've been battling Meniere's Disease for about 7 years. I thought it had the best of me last year, but a surgery performed in June took care of the rotational vertigo and I've been able to function again.

However, beginning in January of this year I've had attack after attack.

Swirl

The Swirl 

A wide vortex to take you a long for the ride.

You get sucked in and at first it's just a nice little spin

But the swirl gets tighter

closer

closing in

you're stuck

there's no escape

tighter and tighter the vortex squeezes you

where is it leading

it gets smaller and smaller as it continues to spiral

spiraling smaller and smaller to infinitesimal nothingness

spiral out of control

no control of life

no fun

no point

no thing

The Oak Tree

The Oak Tree

original post 2007

A Message Of Encouragement From My Daughter-in-Law

A mighty wind blew night and day

It stole the oak tree's leaves away,

Scattered Musings Of A Restless Mind

originally published in 2008

Any fellow insomnia sufferer will tell you what keeps them awake is not being able to turn off your thoughts. Just for kicks, I'm recording here my "Scattered Musings Of A Restless Mind" with hope it will help me sleep.

Father's Day June 2011

Proverbs 4 - Father's Instruction

Prov 4:1 (niv) Listen, my sons, to a father’s instruction;
pay attention and gain understanding.

This chapter in Proverbs has grabbed my heart. Because of a non-terminal (Praises) disease I am disabled from working and many other important things in my life. This is a big deal for me, probably a bigger deal than it should be! (I am human, therefore the need to fuel ego.) Though I try to tell my self that I am "humble", I have somehow distorted that into a false definition; i.e. "The more I can achieve, the better I am."

This Year I Resolve Not To Resolve

Each year, as has been my habit, I find a meditative space,to reflect on the past year and strive to make greater Kingdom impact in the next 12 months. However, this year, I just couldn't do it!

I had to ask myself was I slothful, greedy, lustful, mean-spirited, covetous, or in anyway a generalized slob in need of a time of regret and mustering within myself the ability to change these morose behaviors. TRUTH! I am 100%-full blown-human-being.