Something I Know For Sure: Surrender

I'm not a genius but I have learned a few things in my 50 years on this planet. Some things I know for sure. Like; Chocolate is good. Grandchildren are precious. The death of a pet causes emotional pain. Some things I am still trying to figure out. Like; Which way the toilet paper should hang on the holder, Why God created spiders and whether or not I should color my hair or keep it gray. I like that at 50 I have at least figured out some of the mysteries of this life.


On July 2, 2016 I posted this as my Facebook status:

"Something I know for sure: When your life is invaded by a difficulty that you will be
dealing with permanently or for a long period of time the key to survival is surrender.
You can fight against the waves of the storm but you will exhaust yourself spiritually and emotionally. Instead surrender and allow the waves to carry you to the new
destination."

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When the severity of a chronic illness invaded my life 8 years ago, I had not learned that lesson yet. My inner world threw a fit like a toddler who could not get her way. I thought I was fighting the good fight. I thought I was not letting the illness win. I thought I was not giving in and mustering up my faith by not speaking bad things into my life. But regardless of all the healing prayer, faith mustering, persistent patienting my illness was here to stay and I was face-to-face with a choice: exhaustion or surrender.


But is surrender defeat? Is surrender scriptural?


James 4:7 Submit yourselves to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.


Surrender is submission.

The place surrender starts is submission to God. This means setting your will completely aside and accepting His will. I prayed for the illness to be lifted. When my prayer for healing was not being answered to my satisfaction I thought perhaps I did not have enough faith, or I had sin in my life, or I was speaking my disease into existence. (I received a lot of interesting advice from well- meaning friends.) One day it dawned on me that the faith of a MUSTARD seed did not have to be MUSTERED.

Why Can't I Walk On Water

I sat on the edge of the pool with my 9-year old feet over the edge my toes barely touching the water and I was praying.  I wasn’t praying for a new toy, or shiny bauble, or family problems, or good test grades, oh no, my prayer was for something easy.  It was easy because God had done it before. I quite simply wanted to walk on water.   I had heard about the story of Peter doing it in Sunday School. So I figured if God could do it for Peter of course God to do that for me.  Right then and right there.

That is what I understood about prayer at 9 years old. First, you ask God for anything and he would grant your request.  Second, God would only do this if you had enough faith that he was able.  You had to do your part and believe.  So I sat on the side of that pool.  I summoned up all the faith I could manage like I was pulling it from all the cells of my body into one central point and offering it up to God like a sacrifice.  I stood up on the edge of the pool.  I took that first step, completely expecting to walk across to the other side. And…. Well you already know what happened!

For me, that was the first time that my faith wavered in prayer and I discovered doubt as a child.  As I sank beneath the waters of the pool, I was truly shocked!  After all, I asked; I should have been given at least a few steps . I sought; I should have found. I knocked; God should have opened the door.  My child faith was cracked that day and since then that tiny crack grew wider as I became frustrated over unanswered prayers.

As I matured in earth years and in spiritual years my faith also matured and I learned more about prayer.  I learned that asking, seeking, and knocking still must be within the will of God to which I must humbly submit and trust.  I learned that God isn’t a magic-wish-granting genie who pulls little pool-side miracles out upon your asking.  I learned that you cannot summon faith it has to be grown, and nurtured over time.  I learned that my God is omnipotent, omniscient and omnipresent and he DOES hear and answer all of our prayers, who says his answer has to be “yes”, or “ exactly as you want it.”  

I have also learned that I have more to learn about prayer.

Take The Bait

(originally published in 2011)

How do you feel about someone "fishing for compliments"? I dare say most of us humans go on this fishing trip many times in our lives. I know I'm guilty of loading up the tackle box with the best lures and bait. I also fish in familiar waters, like family and close friends, where a catch is pretty much a sure thing. Yet even though I take these fishing trips, I am ashamed to admit I disliked it when someone went fishing for compliments with me. I simply didn't take the bait; especially if it is someone who is so insecure they do it all the time. This summer I was greatly convicted in my soul about this attitude. God has shown me that it is an area where I lack grace toward others.

Soul Winter

Soul Winter
originally posted in 2007

A gray sky looming, overshadowing

Grass with a futile existence sitting brown - useless

Spent crops taking up space

Dried up vegetation waiting - ineffective

Fruitless trees swaying with barren dismal branches

Reaching out for hope

Looming, overshadowing, futile existence

Spent yet taking up space

Dried up, sitting and waiting - ineffective

Fruitless, swaying and dismal

Reaching out for hope

It's a snow day. The kids and I are home enjoying the warmth of each other and our home.