Something I Know For Sure: Surrender

I'm not a genius but I have learned a few things in my 50 years on this planet. Some things I know for sure. Like; Chocolate is good. Grandchildren are precious. The death of a pet causes emotional pain. Some things I am still trying to figure out. Like; Which way the toilet paper should hang on the holder, Why God created spiders and whether or not I should color my hair or keep it gray. I like that at 50 I have at least figured out some of the mysteries of this life.


On July 2, 2016 I posted this as my Facebook status:

"Something I know for sure: When your life is invaded by a difficulty that you will be
dealing with permanently or for a long period of time the key to survival is surrender.
You can fight against the waves of the storm but you will exhaust yourself spiritually and emotionally. Instead surrender and allow the waves to carry you to the new
destination."

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When the severity of a chronic illness invaded my life 8 years ago, I had not learned that lesson yet. My inner world threw a fit like a toddler who could not get her way. I thought I was fighting the good fight. I thought I was not letting the illness win. I thought I was not giving in and mustering up my faith by not speaking bad things into my life. But regardless of all the healing prayer, faith mustering, persistent patienting my illness was here to stay and I was face-to-face with a choice: exhaustion or surrender.


But is surrender defeat? Is surrender scriptural?


James 4:7 Submit yourselves to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.


Surrender is submission.

The place surrender starts is submission to God. This means setting your will completely aside and accepting His will. I prayed for the illness to be lifted. When my prayer for healing was not being answered to my satisfaction I thought perhaps I did not have enough faith, or I had sin in my life, or I was speaking my disease into existence. (I received a lot of interesting advice from well- meaning friends.) One day it dawned on me that the faith of a MUSTARD seed did not have to be MUSTERED.

Why Can't I Walk On Water

I sat on the edge of the pool with my 9-year old feet over the edge my toes barely touching the water and I was praying.  I wasn’t praying for a new toy, or shiny bauble, or family problems, or good test grades, oh no, my prayer was for something easy.  It was easy because God had done it before. I quite simply wanted to walk on water.   I had heard about the story of Peter doing it in Sunday School. So I figured if God could do it for Peter of course God to do that for me.  Right then and right there.

That is what I understood about prayer at 9 years old. First, you ask God for anything and he would grant your request.  Second, God would only do this if you had enough faith that he was able.  You had to do your part and believe.  So I sat on the side of that pool.  I summoned up all the faith I could manage like I was pulling it from all the cells of my body into one central point and offering it up to God like a sacrifice.  I stood up on the edge of the pool.  I took that first step, completely expecting to walk across to the other side. And…. Well you already know what happened!

For me, that was the first time that my faith wavered in prayer and I discovered doubt as a child.  As I sank beneath the waters of the pool, I was truly shocked!  After all, I asked; I should have been given at least a few steps . I sought; I should have found. I knocked; God should have opened the door.  My child faith was cracked that day and since then that tiny crack grew wider as I became frustrated over unanswered prayers.

As I matured in earth years and in spiritual years my faith also matured and I learned more about prayer.  I learned that asking, seeking, and knocking still must be within the will of God to which I must humbly submit and trust.  I learned that God isn’t a magic-wish-granting genie who pulls little pool-side miracles out upon your asking.  I learned that you cannot summon faith it has to be grown, and nurtured over time.  I learned that my God is omnipotent, omniscient and omnipresent and he DOES hear and answer all of our prayers, who says his answer has to be “yes”, or “ exactly as you want it.”  

I have also learned that I have more to learn about prayer.

Take The Bait

(originally published in 2011)

How do you feel about someone "fishing for compliments"? I dare say most of us humans go on this fishing trip many times in our lives. I know I'm guilty of loading up the tackle box with the best lures and bait. I also fish in familiar waters, like family and close friends, where a catch is pretty much a sure thing. Yet even though I take these fishing trips, I am ashamed to admit I disliked it when someone went fishing for compliments with me. I simply didn't take the bait; especially if it is someone who is so insecure they do it all the time. This summer I was greatly convicted in my soul about this attitude. God has shown me that it is an area where I lack grace toward others.

I Balanced It ALL

“I balanced all, brought all to mind, the years to come seemed waste of breath, a waste of breath the years behind, in balance with this life, this death.” – William Butler Yeats

This quote is so depressing. Yeats was looking at all of his life trying to weigh it in the balance, every year of the past to every year of the future and he saw no balance was achieved and his life seemed such a waste.

Perhaps pondering whether the years of a whole life are in balance is a preposterous thing to do but don’t we often wonder whether or not our whole life is in balance. 

Balancing it all is impossible. 

Balancing it all is impossible. I said it again just in case you missed it. Even if you are trying to balance only all the activities in a day, this cannot be done to a soul’s satisfaction only to a soul’s empty want. That is what caused Yeat’s consternation. The sum of days, turned to the sum of years and all that was done before and left to be done could not be balanced. This is because balance isn’t about external happenings or activities, Too many times we confuse balance with a balancing act, like juggling. 

Balance is a state of being.

Balance is symmetry, poise, and equity.

Balance is the epicenter of opposing forces. 

Balance is not an act. 

Balance is an art. And living a life in balance is an art form to which I am just a novice.

Perfect Balance

The Perfect Balance

I wrote the following prayer while in the hospital on July 25, 2012. The group leader’s lecture was on Yin Yang and how most people mistakenly believe that the darkness represents bad attributes, but there are no moral good or bad associated to the philosophy. He taught that there is balance in the tension. This meant to me that without darkness, light cannot shine. As my thoughts allowed the love of God to drip into my soul, I owned this philosophy within the paradigm of my own faith, and this prayer sprang forth.

Where there is darkness – Lord shed your light.

Where the light is too bright – Lord give me the shade of your peace.
Where I am hard and stubborn- Lord soften my stony heart. 

Where I am too soft, yielding too easy – Lord, make me courageous through your strength.
Where my world becomes so big it spins out of control – Lord let me find comfort in your ways.

Where my life feels so small, I am confined and trapped in my own existence -Lord, remind me that you are

INFINITE

and within that EXPANSE

I find PURPOSE.

Healthy Thinking

Healthy Thinking

Ever since Norman Vincent Peale wrote The Power Of P

ositive Thinking most of society began to understand more about the power of our thoughts to affect not just our emotional state and health but also our success, realization of goals and who knows, maybe even world peace. Thanks to Mr. Peale, other authors and science we know for certain that HOW we think really does matter. After all our emotions, health, success, goals…and world peace are important things. For myself “positive thinking” sounds so cliche and so 1990’s. Instead I’ve been working on “Healthy Thinking”.

The difference is that trying to think positively or find a morsel of the positive to think about when the law of nature is that life is going to beat you up, a lot, is unrealistic. It is normal and healthy to have negative thoughts, to feel sad, angry, frustrated and helpless when the circumstances are there to cause those feelings and thoughts. However, you can develop some habits of Healthy Thinking that gives you some balance in your life. Healthy Thinking means that you can look at the whole situation –positive, negative, neutral — and come to a conclusion that makes sense rather than cause greater anxiety. It allows you to look at your life in a balanced way.

To develop Healthy Thinking is a three pronged approach. First, address your self-image. Second, develop a greater sense of gratitude. Third, decrease anxiety by recognizing “thinking traps” and tools to deal with them.

This little blog post could turn into a book so I’ll just let you know the habits I incorporate for myself and perhaps give you some things to ponder for yourself.

Self Image

What are 3 things that you love about yourself? If you can think of more than 3 then awesome! If you think of more than 10, Self Image probably isn’t an issue for you. If you are having a hard time thinking of 3 make it simple, perhaps the color of your hair or your smile. Those 3 things are your affirmations. Every morning, look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself 3 times I love you because _________. and fill in the blank with an affirmation.

The next thing is to start to recognize if you treat yourself as well as you treat other people. How many offenses have others done that you think nothing of but you will mentally beat yourself up over the very same thing? How harshly do you judge yourself versus how you judge others? When you find yourself in self-flagellation mode because you forgot to send that Thank You note ask yourself if your friend or relative forgot to send you one, would you forgive them. Then for heaven sake, forgive yourself.

Gratitude

I used to just think having an “attitude of gratitude” was making sure when I prayed and journal-ed I listed the things I was thankful for. Then I started to realize that it really had to do more with balance (as usual in my life). If there were a scale and on one side were all the things I were grateful for and on the other side were all the things I were frustrated with, complained about, etc. which side of the scale would tip heavier. That’s when I realized that I needed to balance that scale. So I’ve been working on that. Otherwise, my thoughts are not on gratitude, my thoughts are on the things on the other side of that scale. That’s not Healthy Thinking at all.

Anxiety

One of the largest causes of anxiety are what therapists call thinking traps. My 2 biggest thinking traps are: 1. LABELING – Thinking or saying negative things about myself that I would not say or think about others. The habit of daily affirmations really help with this one. So does not isolating myself. Being around my friends and family. They affirm me just with a smile and hug sometimes. 2. SHOULD STATEMENT – Telling yourself how you should or must act. I should be able to xxxxxxx. It’s an expectation that I put on myself, usually unrealistic but also, just as insidious, untimely. So when I’m thinking this way, I ask myself why should I be doing that? I’m still working on this one too.

A chronic illness can zap you from every angle and striving after Healthy Thinking is one of the best medicines in my medicine cabinet. The Bible says we can take our thoughts captive. It also says that through Christ we have the power to renew our minds. That is powerful, healing, and can bring world peace.

1- Introducing YHWH

The Names of God

I. Introduction – How names were different in ancient Hebrew culture than modern US culture

Q. Write down the top baby names of the decade you were born?

http://www.ssa.gov/oact/babynames/decades/index.html

Names in our culture shift according to what is popular and most people want to name their children something that is on trend but slightly unique. Unless you are a Celebrity then you might get some very strange names. Like Moon Unit Zappa or North West.